This series explores my relationship with alcohol and the impact it has had on my career and personal life. Like many Americans, I responsibly enjoyed alcohol in professional and social settings. But something changed, and it all started with a lie I told myself. Along the way I told myself many lies to excuse or justify my behavior. Though I didn’t recognize them at the time, I see them all too clearly now. Maybe you will too.
LIE: Alcohol makes me perform better in work and social settings
Many of us have social anxiety and need to loosen up a little to feel comfortable and conversational in new settings. Truth be told, I am the WORST at small talk conversation starters in new environments. I’m either quiet and let it come to me or all in and TMI.
Alcohol definitely put my mind at ease to start. That first drink or two helped. But that’s the problem. By the time I’m “social” and checked my anxiety, I am mathematically halfway to a binge drinking episode (according to the CDC).
If we are honest with ourselves, it really isn’t a stretch to say the average person consumes 4-5 drinks over a couple of hours at a corporate event. It really doesn’t sound that bad when I type it. That isn’t even a six pack. See how quickly I was able to justify it and make it seem like nothing? The fact is, shortly after the first two, I can’t even get behind the wheel of a car because I am impaired. The old saying, “a couple of drinks” to feel good about what you plan to consume is ironically the same cliché used when someone is pulled over and questioned for suspicion of DUI.
Why do we do that? I think one reason is that we know that it has the potential of sounding bad. “A couple of drinks” is like a teddy bear on the sinister self-disclosure scale. So basically, a couple of drinks to loosen means that you require almost an impaired state subsidized by your company to participate at an event. Let us not lose sight of the power of alcohol. It is a toxin. It reacts quickly.
Alcohol makes me perform better in work and social settings. This was the fifth lie I told myself. I can remember so many times as the evening went on that I became more aware of my walk to the restroom. Or I would become very attached to my drink. It never left my hand. Or when the conversation later in the evening became more “profound” I would be fidgety and have zero focus on the person I was talking to. My tunnel vision would make my soul desire to tear teeny tiny bits of the beer bottle label off while we were talking. These were the mellow nights.
Now what about the BIG party nights were everyone decides it’s a good idea to get hammered and dance like a maniac around your co-workers? On this side, I would counsel someone and say, “you do know people are watching right?” Yet, in that moment we were thinking “they are loving watching our fun.” Do you see how my thief plays games of destruction by floating around in a deceptive cloud? I think it is fair to say that alcohol doesn’t make you perform better if your focus is professionalism, team building, career development, self-control, etc… I think we can easily agree on that.
Looking back, I cringe to think of how I looked at corporate events intoxicated knowing what I know now. The sad part is, that as long as I kept winning awards and performing and didn’t do anything that others found out about, I was a welcome member of the corporate booze environments. Yet, when my drinking became a clinically diagnosed condition and drove me to destruction, only then was I not welcome at companies let alone their parties.
Alcohol stole so much from me. There is literally no social work setting that would have required alcohol had I known it’s role in the larger picture of destruction that was to come in my personal life. In 2014, I was promoted to the highest position I’d ever held in corporate life. In 2015, a lay off left me without work. By February 2017, the party was over. I was homeless and penniless in the middle of winter in Western New York.
My story is extreme. It’s highly unlikely that you will face such a grave circumstance. But the many lies I told myself perpetuated my treacherous journey: Alcohol makes me perform better in social settings. In fact, it only puts you at risk. It numbs your senses, decisions and behaviors. A couple of drinks is way more than two beverages. There is no place for it in the work context.
I HAVE QUESTIONS AND YOU SHOULD TOO:
Could you attend an event that served alcohol and not have a drink?
Would you still drink if you knew rising stars in your organization didn’t want to drink and only did because you did?
If you are drinking at a business event with your colleagues and another colleague chooses not to do you feel differently about that person?
If you would rather not drink at a corporate event and others around you are drinking freely if not excessively, do you feel comfortable?
Have you ever attended a corporate event or business function where alcohol is served and done something you later regret and would have never done without alcohol?
Have you ever seen somebody have a career limiting move at a company event because of alcohol?
Would the sales team in your organization be upset if alcohol was no longer paid for by your organization? If they would be, why?
When someone blames and alcohol environment for causing an issue, do you automatically think of many reasons why that isn’t true? Why is a beverage so important to you? Is it because it is far more powerful than just being a beverage?
Is it possible alcohol is dangerous in the work context?
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