They once called me a “leader.” Thirteen times executives at three of the largest health care corporations in the world went out of their way to provide me awards and formal recognition for these claims. On at least 3 different occasions I was given something called “skip level promotions” which meant I was promoted 2 levels above my current role. In those cases, I was told, “You have a lot of runway.” My mental health would eventually crash the plane once it got into the air off that runway. These issues remained silently killing me. When my illness took full fight and revealed itself, these same corporations that gave me so many accolades, saw no value in me. I had no runway, no airplane, not even a windsock.
Very few people from those days would take a chance on me after my internal struggle became an external reality. After my healing had begun and destructive activity was over, my skills were still intact. However, in a highly political environment where truth has limited importance and image is king, I would not have been a good look and that made me not a good fit. To be honest, that hurt.
The AA principle of acceptance rings true in this portion of my fight to survive. I must accept all things “as they are and not as I would have them to be.” This is such a challenging notion for me. I knew my skill. I knew it was still there. In truth, I am more hungry and more able than I was even when my career was thriving. If given a shot, would I be successful? You bet I would!
Things started to change in 2019. I was given a shot that started the ball rolling. A prior colleague of mine hired me to work for his small recruiting firm. I leveraged that momentum, and I became an executive at a non-profit in 2020. By 2021, I was employed back in the industry that rejected me. I was hired by a company that accepted me for who I am and gave me the runway to succeed.
I have had to live in a world that required me to go to ANY length to be honest, accept reality, and push forward. In the old world, the lengths I could go for most things had limits containing me within the confines of “governance” and legalities that protected the corporation from the fearful places found in the unknown. Fear and mitigation of things unseen are nemesis to innovation and breakthrough thinking. Yet, in my life, I am called to have faith in things unseen and promises that have yet to be realized as I take this patience-making path to righteousness.
A leader? In my early recovery season, I had to lead myself. The only test that was completely evident was sobriety. I know as I walk this life there are daily examples of win/loss and understanding. I guess these are your “lessons learned” as described in cliché business terms. I have heard so many clichés over the years in corporate training that I am humored by the ones that have applications in real-life and death situations.
We over-glorify our “epic” battles in sales activities. What a joke! Yes, it’s hard to close some of those big deals and it can impact your career or at least your job. I often wonder if those who set the “charge” in the difficulties of field sales went through a season of homelessness, what would their opinion be?
Of course, not everyone does or should have an equal understanding of the perils of life. There are quite possibly mothers and fathers out there trying desperately to close a big deal to make sure their children can go on to fulfill their dreams by first gaining a solid education. I do not want to refute the value of motivated, productive, and award-winning employment. However, I want to challenge the “be all and end all” of it. It is a portion of life and if you are excellent at it. Be excellent. I am in a cautionary stage that simply says, keep your perspective. Notice your standing and ensure that your pride doesn’t put you in the line of fire of tragedy that could bite you.
I have been blessed to have a life of meaning again. I focus on the total value of life and not just my career. I see that the runway others claimed I had was intended to be a positive assessment of my potential. In this stage of my life, runways are something I left behind so that I could now take flight.
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