Fear has never told me a story about my potential or offered a path to fulfill my dreams.
Fear is such an incredibly powerful thing in my life. In some cases, it can drive me to accomplish great things. Yet, in most instances, it causes me to want to hide and find a source of solace away from reality. Fear can cripple me in a second and destroy me over time. Yet…it is not even a real thing. It is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.”
Fear is an emotion. It is a belief. It is not real. Fear is my mind telling me the damage is coming when in fact most times no damage comes at all.
I find fear consistently is most disruptive in my interpersonal relationships, my plans and thoughts, and my dreams. Fear tries to derail and create a story that my mind buys into and acts upon. Therefore, this manipulation is almost pre-emptive and prophetic. I name it and my mind reacts to it.
Fear takes hold in my life when I start getting unhealthy perspectives about my standing in life, my worth, my value, my reason for being. Many times, my mental health fades when I give too much weight to the negative components. This week alone one person called me lazy, fake, self-righteous, loser, and the list goes on. In another instance, I was told I was inspiring. In another instance, I was stabbed in the back with lies. At the same time, I had my fears come true in the life of someone I care about struggling with addiction. Fear says ah-ha! Told you so!” when evidence substantiating it reveals itself I do not hear positive. I only hear the affirmation of my fears.
In one single day this week, within 90 minutes, I got a call about supporting someone who just left rehab, a call from a National Non-profit to support their work, and one of the worst phone calls I have ever received, “Chris. I got a call from the (omitted precinct) police department. She is ok. But, being transported to the emergency department as a precaution.” One of my greatest fears produced a great substantiation of evidence. All my emotional fortification crumbled. I was in the epicenter of an attack and fear was paralyzing my fight. All the while, the other two positives were in play with the other two conversations, fear would not allow me to see anything else than its evidence and its growing domination of my mind and heart.
The dust inevitably settles in all things. The “name caller” moved on to other subjects and she will likely return. A backstabber will still go around spinning his tails and lies. The person in need of support will continue his journey and find his path. The non-profit will continue with its mission. My loved one will win the fight or not. I say this not to be cold or coy. The point is the only thing fear does is take my focus away from my purpose and the fight out of my action. It derails my ability to have a positive impact on myself and others and derails my ability to move past the negativity inflicted on me by others' attacks and emotions.
I have never been able to do it alone and I will continue to need support. Fear is the best placed in the hands of God in my life. I have found that He knows the outcome and the reason for these things. I find that God provides stability when I am uncertain and clarity when my world seems grey and shaking. He holds me up and I find fear loses power when I look into His eyes.
The only thing real about the emotion and thoughts of fear is my reactions and actions in response.
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